Renaissance Leadership

If You Can't Handle Conflict, Then Stop Leading

I've been coaching people for more than ten years and the two beliefs I swear by are:

1. Change never stops. If it does, you've just signed the death warrant for your company's demise.
2. Conflict is inevitable.

One of my newer clients sought my services because he had become so bitter at work that he was having trouble coping. Every day he'd wake up with stomach cramps and head to a job fraught with problems. He's highly skilled at what he does and has the track record to prove it. He's creative, intelligent, knows his industry and gets along well with just about everyone in his office. His direct reports love him--they enjoy his company, they value his input, and he's one of the most popular people at his office. So you're probably wondering why this guy needed a coach, right?

Turns out the one problem he (and everyone else) has at his company is the CEO.

While his CEO knows the industry they're in and can manage dealing with the public this company supports quite well, he comes an ostrich once a problem arises.  This is someone who thinks teamwork is the ultimate answer for everything, but to an extreme where no one is allowed to have a contrary opinion. He truly believes everyone must cooperate to where no one can challenge him. He's even told his own senior leadership team that they "must support each other even if they know someone is not performing well."

Unfortunately for this man, we live in a world where conflict happens. If you stick your head and the sand or plug your ears when you recognize someone has a dissenting view or a person in your midst is not pulling their weight and needs confronting, then you lack a backbone and need to excuse yourself from managing others.

When I first started managing people in my twenties, I admittedly felt it was more important that people like me, so I personally hated giving people critical feedback. I thought they would not consider me a friend any more. However, after failing to produce the results my company wanted, I realized I needed to change as I was not acting in service of my team. So I practiced the skill of providing feedback in an objective, clear and respectful manner to where my team member would not necessarily want to hear the feedback at first, but they respected my honesty and approach.

But my client's CEO obviously has not learned this lesson. The minute you disagree with him, he writes you off. In fact, he's skilled in passive aggression.  And this just makes it worse for everyone. What's sad is recognizing that this is a man who lives in total fear and has little self-esteem. He's got great technical skills and is thoroughly happy when engaged in a discussion where everyone gets along and there's harmony. But introduce conflict, and he immediately shuts down.

People like this make it through the day by constantly living a lie--their own. In his mind, negativity is a bad thing. He marginalizes everyone as being "complainers" and that they need to "suck it up" when people "cannot have their way all the time."

The dangerous notion here is that sometimes "complainers" have a point. Telling people to play nice and act as if nothing's wrong when you have someone in your midst who is driving people out of your organization or is incapable of producing positive results is deadly. The message you're sending is that you're so afraid to confront a bad seed that you must also be incapable of managing yourself.

We live in a world that constantly changes. We also live in a world where just because you get a title after your name that says EXECUTIVE, it doesn't mean you deserve the respect of all and cannot ever have your decisions questioned. You want that kind of leadership, go back to the 1950's or try managing a prison.

To truly lead, you must embrace your own humanity and recognize you will make mistakes, there will be conflict, and you need stamina to guide others toward achieving your vision--which sometimes can get altered in the course of carrying it out. You have to be strong enough to know that when you have a person in your organization who is not producing that you either need to correct the problem or transition them out of the company. You can't afford to have non-producers, even if they are the Vice President and your personal best friend. When someone is not doing their job, help them for the sake of the greater good. Don't become their enabler and drive everyone else in your organization away because you lack conviction.

So what's my client doing?

He's learned that if your CEO is ultimately the problem, that sometimes the only way to respond is to let it go and look for other opportunities. Now that he recognizes he works for a man who will not change during his tenure, he accepts the fact he'll never get the support he needs nor the recognition he deserves. His boss will always label him a trouble maker whenever there's a disagreement. It's sad, but part of being an adult means realizing that not everyone can do a good job and that there are organizations that hang onto their existence because no one's allowed to say the Emperor has no clothes.

And despite the economy, my client's had some opportunities presented to him--so there are jobs out there and you can find them...but that's another blog entry!

Remembering the Great Pumpkin

One of my best bosses ever was Judi Hangen at AT&T.  As the Director of our telemarketing sales office for business accounts. Judi believed in always saying hi to each and everyone of her employees every day.  She also believed in thanking everyone for showing up and demonstrating their loyalty to both AT&T and our customers.  How did she do this?  She brought out the Great Pumpkin at work!

Every day, like clock work, Judi would walk around the aisles of our call center and carry a huge plastic pumpkin filled with candy.  She stopped at every desk and greeted each employee with a smile, a thank you and a treat; everyone loved working for her.  Even though she could've chose to sit in her office and drive the center's results simply through her management team, Judi always felt a need to connect with every employee in a positive way every single day of her job.  And it's a policy I have adopted ever since.

The Great Pumpkin is a fun way to say thank you every day to your team and reminds them how important they are to your company's success.  Even with today's carb and sugar conscious employees, you can hand out fruits or delicious treats such as South Beach candies in addition to small pieces of chocolate or Jolly Ranchers.  It's not the treats, it's the thought behind it that ultimately counts and if you want to maintain a high performing team, five minutes spent with the Great Pumpkin can lead to increased results, improved morale and years of loyalty.

Remembering 9-11 and David Charlebois--Where do we go from here?

One week from today, we'll honor the eighth anniversary of the fatal moment where the entire history of the post-modern world altered course forever: September 11, 2001.

On this day, we saw two towers drop, a pentagon lose its side, a silent meadow  in Pennsylvania become a crash site, and thousands of lives lost. However, the real bomb set off that day was the dismantling of our capitalistic society.  The Twin Towers represented our Baby Boomer-laced greed at its fullest-tall buildings representing how high we could climb in the modern age.  What happened on that day was the realization that all towers (no matter how strong the foundation) are capable of collapse and that we, as a nation, could become undone. Our constant pursuit for more finally betrayed us, our arrogance and hubris got to us. 

As a result, we allowed a man to lead us into a war based on lies so he could allow his friends to continue to lie, cheat and steal from America's poor and the middle class. When a couple of chicks were the first to confront their national shame for the lies carried out, we quickly vilified them and served them up on a fundamentalist platter.  But over time, as the corporate pigs who stole from us finally started getting caught, the American people realized that the institutions they trusted truly deserved their scorn.

All this because we weren't looking out for each other.

On September 11, 2001; I lost my dearest childhood friend, David Charlebois, the First Officer of American Airlines Flight 77. I didn't know he was gone until the Washington Post listed the names of everyone on that flight that weekend. Charlebois was one of the people everyone admired for both his brilliance and his humanity. He was a model citizen, a devoted spouse, an activist for gay and lesbian rights, and a lifelong friend, whose absence still haunts me to this day.

Last year, some political pundit did an interview on WTOP and said that "we need to get past this and stop feeling the need to memorialize 9-11." I have never heard a more horrible statement in my life.

David Charlebois and thousands others died for something. They were ordinary people whose lives suddenly became extraordinary because they were killed for merely doing their every day routine. These fallen lives represented what was great about our nation--they were living in the land of opportunity, of personal freedom--a nation founded on free will.  No other country was ever founded on such a promise of hope. These people were carrying out their lives because our founding fathers wrote a document that illuminates both our humanity and our souls. We can never marginalize the significance of that day; it changed us. There will always be reason to memorialize September 11, 2001.

Maybe in the distant future, we will look back and say that was the day we started our redemption.  We were brought to our knees and forced to regroup, but we finally got the message that we needed to come clean about our love of power and money at the expense of a beautiful planet filled with glorious living things. Maybe we'll one day see that fateful Tuesday as the spark that finally brought us all together. 

Let's hope so, because I would hate to reflect back on this time as the beginning of the end...

Reality TV Losing It's Grip and So Are Many Americans

Face it, there's no such thing as reality television. Either way, it's all about the production company's motive, the spin and the editing of footage to where what you see on your television could hardly be considered reality at all.

Ratings are starting to plummet, which means maybe people would like to see some real creativity again. After all, who truly cares about Jon and Kate and their mutual hate or those ridiculous no-talent things on THE HILLS?  No one I know.

At least shows like PROJECT RUNWAY and TOP CHEF require you to have some talent to stay on the program.  But aside from that, most reality television offers nothing but more rampant narcissism and it's time somebody stop feeding the meter for more time for these fools to park themselves on our screens.

But the flip side of this is that there are a lot of Americans who feel so bad about their own lives that the only way they can feel better is to watch these shows for hours upon end declare their pride that "at least their lives don't suck like this." That is the way a woman at my local hair salon put it while she was shampooing my hair.

In the course of a shampoo plus conditioner, I heard this girl go on about no less than five reality programs she watches. When I asked her what's the attraction, the above statement is what came forward. Sadly, four other women and two men chimed in with the exact same sentiment.

People are not watching these programs for entertainment, they watch because it's a way for them to have some self-respect for their own situation. Most people consider the folks on these reality shows as being pretty low on the evolutionary scale.

The problem is that watching this stuff for hours on end doesn't make you a better person.

If making fun of people who are desperate for attention and have no moral compass is your only way to escape the lack of self-esteem in your own life, then it's easy to see why we're in such dire straights as a nation. We lack intelligence (as proven by the many Americans--18%--who believe the world is flat and the sun revolves around the earth), we lack ethics (Enron, TyCo, WorldCom, Tom Delay, Madoff,etc.), and we lack an ability to address complex issues (Town Halls, anyone?). If people don't get spoon-fed their facts, they get confused or they just tune out. And yet, as soon as someone doesn't get their way, out comes the finger pointing and a demand for someone to blame.

Thankfully, there is way out of this mess.

You can take control of your life by understanding your own power and how to manage it properly. And once you realize that you're always in control of your beliefs and that you can make better, more informed choices with a little effort, then your life can radically change.

But for now, simply turn the television off and do something else as opposed to wasting your days away with bad parents, self-absorbed housewives, bratty children who dance with poles on top of ice cream carts, and anything on VH1.

What Obama Needs to Learn from Edward Kennedy

This was a difficult week for many as we honor the late, great Edward Kennedy, a man who truly understood the mission and vision for being a civil servant.

While you can perhaps criticize him for some of his personal choices, you truly cannot detract his unwavering personal regard for people. In fact, he was just like all of us--human and not without faults.

But with his death, comes a true void in our political community. Though he came from wealth and a prominent family, Teddy Kennedy was the people's hero. He knew the importance of the energizing sparks that needed encouragement among our children.  He recognized that every human on the planet offers value and that at the end of the day, we are all one. He believed that every citizen in our great nation had equal rights and he fought for many years to secure them.

Kennedy was not a corporate politician; his soul could not be bought for the almighty dollar. Up until his very last moments, he worked to build a nation that would truly live up to the Bill of Rights, the U.S. Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, documents that many politicians seem to forgotten of late. Indeed, if I were Obama, I'd look at the Kennedy legacy and ask "how can I truly emulate these great men?"

Obama won an election based on espousing ideas that would radically reshape our nation and restore a sense of true patriotism. Sadly, he's only uttered the words and his actions have yet to live up to the promise of greatness from his campaign speeches. Obama still seems to be too tied with the almighty dollar and power of corporate influence. He has yet to prove that he's truly a man of the people.

Kennedy, however, emulated this each day. During his political career, he helped craft the Voting Rights Act of 1965, along with the Freedom of Information Act, the Occupational Safety and Health Act, and the Americans With Disabilities Act. His entire life was about advocating basic rights for all.  You can thank Kennedy for COBRA as well.

He didn't get to be President, but he sure as hell made an indelible mark on our society. 

RIght now, Obama and many leaders continue to praise his legacy. But I'd rather see our chief executive actually do something and take action.  Obama has yet to prove his true greatness. We voted him in on a promise of hope and a "Yes We Can" message. Let's hope in four years we don't find ourselves saying "Oh No You Di'int" instead.

Wouldn't it be nice to see some genuine leadership again?

Health Care Begins With You

While the health care reform issue carries on, one thing is clear to me: Health care begins with you.

While the uninformed continue to show up at Town Hall meetings and rant "stay out of my paycheck" or "give me back my Medicare," I realize that at the end of the day, YOU are responsible for your health.  Not your Congressional rep, not your doctor, and not your insurance company.  ONLY you are responsible for your health care.

But most of us are too lazy to care, which is why we need lots of profit-mongers running the system.  They know that the average citizen is too uneducated and too concerned with eating an entire bag of Funions while watching reality television to get off their ass to really manage their health care.

You want to keep the health care costs down?  Change your diet and your lifestyle!

That's right--own your life for once instead of blaming the system for your problems.

Careful with that remote controller to your PS3, Eugene! Stop watching THE BIGGEST LOSER while snarfing down Chunky Monkey, Eloise! And for God's sake, stop smoking cigarettes!

Yes, poor diets, no exercise and sucking on cancer sticks will one day result in your body sending a signal that you've been doing self-induced damage to it all along. It means that you'll costs us all a LOT of money because you chose to SUPER SIZE your life as opposed to minimizing damaging behaviors. At that point, you have no right to agonize over the rising cost of health care when you've been nothing but a major donor to it all along.

While the debate rolls on, you can spot the fat rolling through the drive throughs and then wanting to know why health care can't be free. There's always a cost and you're paying the price for every Wendy's Triple you eat and every time you have to go outside to light up. 

We are a nation of lazy, clueless people who get angry at anyone with a sign of intelligence. We resent it when someone tells the truth about ourselves because we're so afraid to admit it.

Real power in your life begins when you stop the whining and crying and realize you made some bad choices. For many, there's a road to redemption early in life. You don't have to wait until you're on a respirator to say "Gee, all those Marlboro Lights did THIS to me?!"

On any given day, you can pay attention in school, you can read journals, you can actually listen to your physician when they say "Eat right, exercise and stop smoking."

If you reclaimed your life, you'd experience real power while also saving yourself thousands of dollars in health care.

So why wait for Congress? You can chuck your leftover KFC out the door today. You can join a gym or just go walk for thirty minutes twice a day.  You can also decide to never smoke again and find a way to wean yourself off those nasty thin white messengers of death within the next hour.

Begin by reclaiming your own life and you will also learn to be more discerning.  And then maybe you can add something intelligent to this conversation about health care reform and make a real difference.

When Abdul Trumps a Rescue Mission

How pathetic are we as a nation when all we can talk about is Paula Abdul's abrupt departure from AMERICAN IDOL on the same day when Bill Clinton brings home two journalists previsuly held captive in North Korea.

Seriously!

In the grand scheme of things, Paula Abdul is an over-rated star whom everyone dotes on because she's allegedly a pill popper who offers the loopiest and inchoerent advice to young singers. The reason that she "makes for good television" just sickens me. There are enough has beens and idiot wanna-be's on TV because we lack the creativity to create new material. Oh wait, I forget. STUDIO EXECS are cheap and love reality shows because they require little work and yield great dividends because most Americans can't resist a train wreck.

Honestly, I am glad Abdul is gone. She's a waste of space. What does she offer our culture? A prime example of being a narcissist that gets its own way because it's diseased and we are all her enablers.

Meanwhile, we have a former president who has just helped rescue two of our own and the stage is now set for serious dialgoue which could  enhance our foreign relations. 

But somehow that gets two to five minutes while the Abdul story gets brought up every other moment.

What a world....